Annoying Hi5 Messages

I have an account on Hi5. Yeah, I know, it's lame. For a while I avoided making an account there, but I received several invitations fom friends of mine, and in the end, i gave in. The picture above is my display image on Hi5. I've seen better pictures there, but... still, my picture seems to attract male attention, although my profile says loud and clear: "Looking to: just look around". It's not even "make friends". And not any kind of attention. Most of the messages I got were from black people, arabs and turks. A guy from Turkey wanted to add me to his friends list. Before accepting his invitation, I visited his proflie. He had a friend list of over 1000 (one thousand+) people. I found that the list was made up of women, and just one guy, whose display image looked androgynous, so I inferred the Turk thought he was a girl. So I declined the invitation.

And then, the messages. Perhaps they wouldn't be so annoying if they weren't so stupid and in such broken English. The first who wrote to me was Steven from Jamaica:

"hi
how ru doing, am steven from jamican
where ru really from, can i know u really name,what is u age? ru single or not?can i know mor about you? take care reply
steven"

I replied, out of politeness more than anything else:

"all the information you are asking for is already in my profile. Ida is my real name, 26 is my real age, i live in romania, which is in eastern europe and i am single. again: my profile gives real information about me. but tell me one thing: you're telling me you're from jamaica, but your profile says thailand. how come?
I."

So, he says:

"yes b/c i live in thailand, but iam not from thailand, am from jamaica but am black am not white,ok, what ru doing for liveing? can u have time to chat with me ? if u can ?so we can explein to each other? reply
take care"

This is getting annoing. Why does he say "reply" at the end of each letter? Yet, I can still have some fun about it, so I reply:

"ok, bob marley was black (and has great music). so what? why don't you have pictures? i majored in english at the university and right now i am looking for a job. in the past i worked as a tourism agent and as a sales assistant. what about you? your profile gives very little information."

Not having any pictures on a site like that seems to me an extreme case of being a chicken, and not having the guts to show your face is indictive of a weak character. He continues:

"if u need my pictuer i will send for you, i have shop in bangkok thailand i sale shrit and shoes< man.ru travel to any countery befor? i think chat is better so we can explein very well to each other ok take care reply
steven"

Oh, you stupid ass! It's time I gave a hint that I am bothered by him:

"yes i have been to italy on a trip some years ago. can you please explain why do you make so many mistakes in english?"

And guess what!

"is not mistakes, but i write it in a shot way? are you get my point?"

Bwahahahaha! now you're doomed. I wrote him a note, that I didn't save, unfortunately. I told him that i know the difference between writing things in a shortened way, like 'u' instead of 'you', and i wrote all the mistakes in his letters, with corrections, which meant I had to write almost all that he had written to me, and finished off by asking "Do you get my point?" I was hoping that he would stop writing, I was hoping he got my point , which was: 'stop writing to me'. But nooo...

"hi how ru today i understand what u said, but you english is better then my, but i can spake very well 100% mor then write,i wish u can teach me so i can write very well, ok but if possbil for you, i will like to chat with you? try ok reply
take care
steven"

OK, boy, that's it! I did not bother to reply after that, and mercifully, he stopped writing. A while passed in blissful silence and, one sunny day, Sheba wrote to me a message by the title "serious hope... are you?"

"I wish to contact you with willing for serious relationý.
Love and be loved and with big potential for marriage ý..)ý.sure friendship is the first step ý but I dream wide steps ý))
I am elder than you ý40y and not willing to compete young fans )))
Although I can do that very well ý.) ý I am fit enough and can racing you if we swim together))ýmay one soon day we can swim in best ever place in the world )) red seaý..and catching fish by hands ..may also heart beating quickly ))
I am not willing for any adventureýýI fed up all adventure ý.!!Enough .
Now I like to find kind cute lady with serious willing to find pertness life ýý. I guess I can play my role in life as good husband now ,
As my friends telling me ý. I am very romantic ..kind hearted ý. Pla pla pla ))),,,very difficult talking about self !! ..tell u later ý OR u will see that by your mind ))and your charming eyes )
Later in few time you can read my personality as open book ý.then make
Your decision ýhire me for life ))) or fire me at all (((
Kiss hands
By the way I am civil engineer have my own work between Egypt and Bucharest.
I am single ..never married before ýýýýýý..
Please send me at my e mail ýýýýýýýDREAM YOU WITH SERIOUS INTENTION .
E MAIL :
Msheba19@yahoo.com"

I laughed my head off while reading this... this... oh, I don't even know what to call it exactly. And may I laugh just a little bit longer? Hahahahahahahahaha... I did not bother to reply. Nor did I reply to the next message, this time from a guy in Maroc:

"salut
je me permet de t'ýcrire ces modestes lignes espýrant que tu sera en bonne et parfaite santý et que ta familles :)...bon,je ne serais pas long sachant que j'ai vu ton profile et sa me fait plaisir de faire ta connaissance c'est u veux d'un ami du maroc ton pays aussi espýrant que cete amitiý dura longtemps c'est tu m'accepterais commen ami ou frere :)...
laisse moi te lire
mon nom c mustafa"

Me lire? je n'ecris pas on Hi5... Et je ne parle Francais, mon ami. But I must admit he's a bit more decent than the others.
I'd like to find out how to stop this spam... put up an ugly picture, or write that I am not interested in receiving messages, or getting married abroad or... eww.

Sunday 13 August 2006